How Did I End Up Here?

A while ago…I was twenty-one.

My future life had just begun.

A college grad,

with a future clear:

I’d go save the world…go get it in gear!

As artist, as teacher,

I’d surpass them all

(for in my own eyes, I stood very tall)!

I started off well,

with a vast inner fire.

I strove to do well, and to really inspire.

My students, they loved me.

They did very well.

(And nothing they knew of my personal hell.)

A move ‘cross the country,

as my marriage…it crumbled.

Distraught, and confused, there, my purpose got fumbled.

But then, amid chaos,

a new baby daughter!

My life was a joy, as I cherished and taught her.

Her world opened up,

as I shared what I treasured:

a deep love of learning, something not to be measured.

But, her father and I

just could not dwell together.

So, we parted our ways, fled the storm for calm weather.

Alas! It was not

what I thought it would be.

I floated, adrift, on a vast lonely sea.

So, changing careers,

like my outfits or shoes,

I veered off my path, completely confused.

A factory…a sign shop…

Oh, what did it matter?

A government job…so, my dreams were all shattered.

But, I didn’t notice

(since they paid pretty well),

that dream-compromising can land you in hell.

So, suddenly, now,

I awake with a start,

and see that my dreams have been ripped from my heart.

For, my daughter, now grown,

has her own life to live.

And, I have a life left, with something to give.

I feel that my life has been largely unfinished.

But, my dreams have grown dim;

and my zest has diminished.

A face marred by time

stares at me from my mirror.

I’m certain my vision was once so much clearer.

A doctorate degree…once a possible future.

Now, lost twenty-five years…

I forgot my own nurture.

I am tired, and afraid

that I’ll run out of time,

for leaving a legacy uniquely mine.

I’ve but one life to live,

Just one Master to please.

And, He’ll salvage my life from the rocks, and the reefs.

So, my tears must be dried;

I must pick up the pace,

redeeming the time ‘fore I exit this place.

From my Lord comes my purpose.

He will steer the right way.

Holy Spirit revealing: Dark of night turned to day.

Then, my Father will call us all home,

one by one.

And, His Books will be opened, showing all we have done.

In my vanity, I thought

that my plan was best.

But, my Father knew better, hence the difficult tests.

All I lost, or I left

or I frittered away,

served to guide me right into His narrower Way.

Now this ship of my fate,

all draped in its tatters,

sails onward and upward, in search of what matters.

I don’t have all the answers.

(Often thought that I did.)

For, great truths are oft hidden; for those, you must dig.

So, I’ll strike out, with boldness,

toward a bright, shining shore.

For, my Destiny awaits me, as it did once, before.

Copyright 2014 Regina Lee Plimpton Quinn (10/18/2014)

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